Nightmares and sympathies
by Zxell Rai
Summary: Murrue is suffering from nightmares and refuses to open up to any one. Natarle notices the difference in the way murrue asks a tries to help her. Shoujoai MurrueNatarle


Disclaimer: don't own Gundam Seed

A/N:...no comment...Murrue/Natarle...

_Italics: _Thoughts. Murrue or Natarle's P.O.V

**Nightmares and sympathies **

She awoke suddenly a sharp scream escaping her lips. The name she shouted echoed in the shadows of her room. "Natarle..." She murmured repeating the name of the onyx haired woman. She slowly got up and analyzed the situation. The shirt that she wore was plastered to her body. "...this happens every night...and still I'm to afraid to tell her about it." Murrue mumbled _because your afraid of rejection_. Her inner voice said. She shook the thought off before looking at the clock. The green numbers shown 1:04 am. Tried and very irritated Murrue wandered into the bathroom. Lucky for her there was no one there.

Natarle sighed at the pure boredom she felt. Yawning for the umpteenth time she finally got up. _So much to do in one night huh._ She thought to herself as she stretched yawning again. Natarle thought she had heard the Captain scream but dismissed the thought a few seconds later. She herself wondered why she was up so late. _Oh yea...you forget Natarle you have a shit-load of work to get done before the meeting on saturday._ She put her hand over her face in the process. _And that means you'll be up all night tomorrow too._ She let her hand fall from her face allowing it to hit the desk in front of her. "And yet if I close my eyes for a second I doze off." She said flatly looking around the room once more for something. _Well If you have some free time at all later today...you can come back and work some more._ She nodded and pulled off her uniform jacket deciding it was time- whether she liked it or not- to get some well needed rest.

Murrue continued to silently mumble to herself as she wondered the halls simply. Arriving at her destination she stopped and looked out at the stars. _Clear, and a wonderful sight for one who woke up from such a horrid dream..._ Still she thought again of Natarle. _Why is it I can't stop thinking about her?_ Again her inner voice responded._ Because Murrue...you love her..._ Again Murrue shock off the thought. "No..I can't..I mean we always argue and fight...How can I love such a woman?" she whispered. No answer came to her. Sighing she decided- since she had yawned several times in her passage- that it was time to go back and try to sleep. _I would like to avoid Natarle's criticism..for not being fully alert..._ She looked around once more before realizing._ Natarle's room is right around the corner... _

The door opened on a dark room. Murrue noticed the soft light form the laptop screen the only illumination in the room. For a moment she thought Natarle not in there until she heard a sigh and shifting. She stopped and looked seeing the younger woman fast asleep. _She's indeed cute when she's asleep..._ Murrue thought approaching the bedside of the lieutenant-commander careful not to disturb the light fall and hoping not to wake her. Again the younger woman stirred sighing once again. Her hand fell over the side of the bed nearly hitting Murrue's side. She stiffened when Natarle's hand brushed her stomach instead.

**Murrue's P.O.V**

_Natarle...can I tell you what I feel for you?...No of course I cannot...I Love you..again these words are impossible to speak in such a situation of times. Why? I do not know. I don't think we ever will know as much as we would like too. We never will. It worries me to tell you the truth about these dreams. You may think me crazy. Knowing you. So stern and serious. Questions come to my mind when I speak to you. Have you ever had a lover? No I haven't captain. Why do you ask? I know your answers already everything you'd say to me. And then question me as to why I asked. Why do always ask me things that I cannot answer? You would just stare at me. I would receive no answer. Natarle...Why can we not just come to an agreement? Why must We argue all the time over the dumbest things? You again would watch me. No answer would come. Again knowing you as well as I think you eventually ask me: Why are you asking me these questions captain? I would simply say nothing. Yet as I've realized over the time we have spent together you keep me going. Without you I would be lost, confused, desperate maybe. I can't say this to your face though. You'd laugh at me. I look forward to seeing you in the morning. Why? Well...My dreams...are always of you...dying...Dreams of death haunt me. Your death. Why yours? Why I'm I dreaming of you? More importantly: Why am I dreaming of your death? Could it be a warning? No. But what if it is? It couldn't be. How could you die? A gun fight? No...You don't have a reason to get in a gun fight. Maybe you are shot to death...No that's a dumb answer too. Again you have no reason. But in my dreams it's the same thing over and over every night I watch you die. I watch you suffer. Your blood stains my hands. Do I kill you?...No! No! I would never do something like that! Don't be stupid! I couldn't bring myself to do that...Why would I anyway? One of are arguments? Most likely. No...I still would not kill you. That is an ultimate betrayal. No matter how often we fight...And besides i'm standing here over you watching you sleep and spilling these thoughts which to you are forever silenced. Still I resort to the same charade every day act like nothing happened no matter how shaken I look. Still it seems you care about me. I recall the other day. You approached me in the hall and asked: Captain? Are you okay? You seem a bit shaken up. Is something wrong? But me being as stubborn as I am sometimes. I said I was fine and you had absolutely nothing to worry about. I thought your expression was cute. You looked so worried. I was happy knowing you cared. Some people on this ship worry about me too much. Mu for instance. He won;t leave me alone about it. And yet I told him about these dreams. He told me the same thing I keep telling myself. To tell you. And yet I've tried so many times. Like yesterday. When I talked to you in the cafeteria. I asked you if you had ever had a bad dream about someone close to you dying. You answered: Yes Captain..Plenty of times. War dose things like that to you. I started to tell you but I just said that I had dreamed about someone very close to me that I loved dying. You asked me how long had this been going on. I told you. Again you looked worried about me. You looked up at me studying my face as though the answer where there. Then you just looked away saying that it should stop soon. Stop? When Natarle? They haven't. Each night they get worse. Your death becoming slower more painful. Your shouts of agony and cries of anguish lengthening to the point where I wonder how much longer I can hold onto my sanity. And then it stops. Then there is nothing, darkness, and you laying in front of me unmoving, not breathing. Slowly I lift my hands to look at them. They are stained with blood. And every time I awake shouting your name out into the shadows and wanting so bad to hold you and cry..._

**Normal P.O.V**

Murrue was shook out of her thoughts at the sound of Natarle coughing. She looked down to see that the younger woman had shifted to lay on her back her arm again dangling of the side of the bed. Murrue smiled, leaned over and hesitantly brushed Natarle's bangs out of her face. She let her hand linger on the younger woman's cheek before she kissed Natarle lightly on the lips. Natarle reacted unknowing and kissed her back. Their lips moving against each other's. Surprised Murrue pulled away. The younger woman still slumbered. Murrue backed away from the bedside looking at the lap top screen. "I see you are procrastinating again..." she whispered before stepping out.

Natarle awoke groggy and still tired. _Wha? Why am I so damn tired?...uhh I stayed up to damn late..._ She thought sitting up slowly. She walked out of her room the door sliding shut smoothly behind her. "oh good morning Lieutenant." Turning she found herself face to face with none other than Murrue Ramius. "Good morning Captain." Natarle silently walked past her attempting to fix the ruffled mass of her hair. _She seems to be shaken again.._ Natarle thought.

**Natarle's P.O.V**

_Once again I see you shaken and nervous. Why do you keep your thoughts held up in you? If it is what is causing you such pain I would like to know what it is...I may seem to not care but I do. I know you have tried to tell me several times. Then you shake your head and insist it be nothing I worry about. That's what worries me when you say: It's nothing to worry about Natarle. And yet every day for the past two weeks you look shaken...And I think I hear you scream...Unless I am losing my mind. You seem to even have a new air about you. I'm getting scared for you Murrue Ramius. It's strange that you asked me that question that day: Natarle have you ever had A dream about someone close to you dying? I answered yes because I have indeed. It's a scary thing to see in your dreams. So many times I have been told it's foretelling the said persons death. Disturbing..But who's? It must be some one close to you. Mu most definitely. No...It couldn't be. You told me that this person is a 'she'. There are only a few females on board this ship. Miriallia? No it can't be...Tolle has that taken care of...Fllay? No Kira is keeping her safe. Me?...I'm the only one...but...why?...Captain. What are you hiding from me? If it is I who you are watching die in your dreams why do you not tell me? Why do you not seek advice or comfort? I'm confused. I hate it I'm never confused or scared for any one. Why I'm I? Answers only come to you when you seek them..So is this a time whereby I should seek my answers? Yes. I should...But then Again I don't want to know the answers. I fear knowing the truth. I fear what may come. That is what bothers me. I can't place it but I sense something there. Is it love? No I know already that you don't love me..I can't keep a good conversation going without turning it into an argument. So by the books, always keeping myself steeled to the outer world. I've been like this ever since I joined the military. And then I met you. It was just a moment that we saw one another. You had just been promoted to Lieutenant and I just an ensign. I remember that day. I walked over to congratulate you: Congratulations. um... _

_You introduced yourself to me: Murrue Ramius. It's a pleasure to meet you..._

_I died off on telling you: Natarle Badgiruel..._

_You smiled at me and where called off seconds later. It's not something I can easily forget. Because we are here together now. Only a few weeks into this job of mine was I forced into what we are doing now. Was it fate telling us that we should meet again and be as we are? We may never know. Or was it an omen? Of course not. Why bother believing in such foolish things such as omens. I notice things that are different about you. The way you look at me now. It's as if it was my last day on earth. It scares me to see that expression. And your seemingly lifeless look on the bridge as you stare out the windows. Lost in thought no less. Lost in thought? About what?...How tell me? What to tell me? Or whether or not to tell me at all? ah...I'm confused and lost. Why do you leave me like this Captain?_

**Normal P.O.V**

Natarle finally tamed her hair and pulled on her uniform. _And again here we all go marching in for another day of work. _She did not see Murrue at any other time that morning until that afternoon around 3:30:

"Natarle...can I speak with you?" _Are you going to try and tell me your story only to lie again Captain?_ Natarle thought as she turned to her. "Yes...I'm here if you need me.." She said. Murrue looked around for a second to see that they were the only one's wondering the halls. "I wanted to ask you about what you said to me earlier.." She muttered finally. "And _that_ was?" Natarle asked confused. "who..did you see die in your dreams?" Natarle looked slightly taken aback. "My mother...why?" She said finally. "Because..I-I was just wondering...I'm just worried about you.." _Really? That's new. I'm the one who should be asking you the questions of who died in your dreams._ "captain?" Natarle asked gingerly taking a step toward Murrue. "Yes?" _Here it comes she's going to ask me._ Murrue thought bracing herself. "Are you okay? I mean you just have seemed a bit..." - she tried so hard to think of a different word and failed- "...spacey." Murrue looked at her for a second. "I'm fine...sort of." "What do you mean sort of?" Natarle asked pressing into the matter more. "Well I-...It's nothing honestly." Natarle felt rage swell within her. "Why don't you just tell me? If I don't know what is going on how can I help you!" Natarle shouted suddenly before she could stop herself. "Natarle..." Murrue spoke her name simply. "I just-..." She sighed. "Want to keep it to myself..." She finished so quietly it was almost impossible for Natarle to hear the words spoken. "You always want to keep it to yourself Captain! You look so shaken and scared...and you don't want to tell it to any one!" Natarle snapped.

Mu sulked out of the cafeteria moments after the argument had begun._ Oh brother those to are at it again? Christ when will they stop arguing and just get _alongHe thought knowing that would never happen. Rounding the corner he stopped seeing the two only a few feet down the hallway.

"I Can't tell any one Natarle! I'm afraid to! I'm afraid that you would think I'm crazy!" Murrue snapped back suddenly blissfully unaware that they had an audience in the form of Mu La Fllaga. "Why would I think your crazy! Is what's causing you to be like you are about me! I think if this where true you would come and tell me instead of leaving me confused!" Murrue looked at her baffled. "_You're _confused? What about _me_ how do you think I feel!" Natarle said nothing. "Captain..." "I've listened to just about enough of your questioning Lieutenant!" Murrue retorted. "_Questioning? _I'm not asking you Captain! I want to kno-" Before Natarle could finish Murrue struck out at her. Natarle's head snapped to the side at the impact of Murrue's hand. "Enough Natarle!" Murrue yelled. Natarle stayed like that just staring off to the side. The pain subsided and she walked away. _I-I just hit her..._Murrue thought watching the woman leave. "Whoa...Captain...what the hell was that for?" Murrue wheeled around to see Mu walking up to her. "I don't know...I guess I just got mad at her." She said finally. "Mad? Geeze Captain. I've seen you mad but I've never witnessed you hitting her." Murrue looked down suddenly finding a fascination with the metal floor beneath them. "I feel awful now.." Murrue said. "Well I can understand. You just Nailed her and you don't know why." He looked her over before saying "I'll go talk to her...See how she's doing...and if she needs any ice.." He added flatly. Murrue nodded. "Is there anything you want me to tell her?" Mu asked in mid turn. "No..I'll Talk to her when I feel like it...Or doesn't hate me..."

**Natarle's P.O.V **

_You hit me...how...why? I don't understand...I'm lost. Again I find myself sitting in the shadows of my room with my face in my hands lost in my thoughts. Of course...my thoughts are just so...grr I can't make sense of anything! I can tell that my face is going to bruse..at least my eye...I guess trying to get you to tell me was a bad idea huh?...Well now I know not to try and force it out of you. But you said I would think you crazy if you told me. I can't think anything if you don't tell me the story...The dre-_

**Normal P.O.V**

Natarle's thoughts where cut off when the door open shedding light into dark room where Natarle sat thinking. "Hey Nat?" Mu's voice also interrupted her. "what." Natarle said looking up at him. "ouch...She gotcha good.." He said stooping down to her level to look closely at her eye. "I don't understand why she hit me...I guess I should've just left it at the last thing she said before..." Mu smiled at her. "The Captain feels terrible about it now...Umm..You want somethin to put on that eye? It's kinda swollen." He said. "Perhaps I should go get something..Ice maybe.." Natarle stood up and began to walk out Mu at her side. "What happened exactly?" He asked her. "Well If you have noticed the captain's been acting strangely as of late..." Natarle trailed off as one of the crew members walked past. "Yea..she has...hasn't she..." Mu replied. "She seems so...Shaken..like she's constantly having dreams that are bothersome to her...any way..a few days ago she spoke to me in the cafeteria..She asked me If I had ever had a cream about some one close to me dying." Mu looked at her shocked. "Really?" He said. "Yes really...I told her I had- Yes Mu I have." -Mu had given her a funny look- "And she just looked at me and said oh okay..I asked her why and she started to tell me and then said it was nothing for me to worry about..." She trailed off again as they reached the infirmary. "Geeze, That is weird..can't blame you for being confused..or trying to get it out of her." Mu opend on of the nearby cabinets and pulled out an ice pack handing it to Natarle. "So then what?" He asked as they left. Natarle held the ice pack to the side of her eye before talking again. "Then just a few minutes ago she approached me in the hall and asked me who I saw dying...Then our argument broke out and here I am..." She finished looking blankly out at the empty hallway in front of them. "Wow...I'm confused now..." Mu said looking at Natarle. "I know..I can't exactly settle your confusion if I know as much as you do now..." They passed a window. Natarle stopped to look out. The sun was setting in it's normal Fire red glow. _It always makes me think of some kind of murder scene...the way the sky glows red like blood..._ Natarle thought. A few stars scattered the sky more appearing as the red glow faded giving into the darkness of the night sky._ Captain...are you to be plagued with your nightmares again tonight?_ Natarle thought looking out at the now black sky littered with stars. "It's a beautiful sight huh?" Mu asked. "Yea it is.." Natarle replied once again thinking of Murrue.

Murrue looked into the shadows of her room. _Natarle...I need to tell you...But I need to apologize first. Then tell you my story..._ Murrue laid down and pulled the sheets up over her head drawing her knees up to her chin. _And here I go into another world of Nightmares...ones of watching you die..._Slowly Murrue drifted of to an uneasy and restless sleep.

A few hours passed Natarle laid in her room looking up at the ceiling. _Maybe I should go see if she's okay...Or maybe I should just stay here..._Deciding that she was curious enough to see how Murrue was Natarle stood up and left her room.

**Murrue's Dream**

Her mind raced as it happened. "Captain look out!" She heard. Gunshots rang out as Natarle came running throwing herself into the line of fire. The bullets hit her each impact resounding a sickening thump of something hard hitting flesh. Murrue closed her eyes trying to block out the sight of the woman she loved being shot to death trying to block out the sounds of Natarle coughing as she fell to the ground. "Natarle! No!" Murrue fell to her knees and pulled Natarle's head onto her lap. "why did you do that? Why did you save me?" She asked. "B-Because Captain...I love you..." Natarle trailed off closing her eyes. "Natarle!..Natarle!...No!...wake up don't die on me! Wake up! Please wake up!" Murrue shook Natarle's limp form. _Captain! Wake up! Murrue!_ She looked around for the source of the voice. "Natarle?"

**Reality**

"Captain! Come one...Your only dreaming! Murrue! Wake up.." Natarle had walked in to find Murrue fussing in her sleep and crying out her name. Natarle had grabbed her shoulders in an attempt to pull her out of her state. "Murrue..." She said slowly. Murrue's eyes opened suddenly and sat up so fast she nearly knocked Natarle off the bed. "Natarle!" She shouted. "I'm here..I'm here.." Natarle said reaching out to her. "Natarle..." Murrue looked at her for a heart beat before grabbing onto her tears streaming down her face. "Shh..It's okay...I'm here now...It's over.." Murrue just continued to cry tightening her grip on the younger woman. "Natarle..I'm sorry..I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to hit you..I don't know what came over me-" Natarle cut her off. "No...I'm sorry for trying to force you tell me..." Murrue relaxed letting her head rest on Natarle's shoulder. Murrue let loosened her her grip on Natarle then wrapped her arms around the younger woman pulling her into a tight embrace. She then pulled away looking into the amethyst eyes of the onyx haired woman. "Natarle...My dreams...are..about you...dying..." after saying this Murrue looked down. "I die in your dreams huh?" Natarle sated coolly. "Yes...I'm sorry I did not tell you..I was just so afria-" Natarle put a finger to Murrue's lips silencing her. "I understand now...But tell me...What...do you feel for me?...I don't why I'm asking this..most likely it's because you've been acting so weird around me lately..." Murrue's head snapped up. "Natarle...I...what do I feel for you?...I love you Natarle..." Silence overtook the two women as they stared into each other's eye neither speaking. Murrue hesitated before slowly leaning in closing the distance between her and Natarle. "Cap-mph." Her lips met Natarle's before she could speak her rejection. _Just let me do this Natarle...Let us stay in this moment for a few minuets. _Murrue deepened the kiss sliding her tongue across Natarle's lips. She was met with little resistance soon the women where kissing passionately tongues sliding across on another vying for dominance of Natarle's mouth. Murrue ran her hands up Natarle's back resting one on her cheek and her other wrapping around Natarle's neck pulling the woman even closer to her and intensifying their kiss. Natarle -in an attempt to try and support herself- wrapped her arms around Murrue's neck. Finally after what felt like hours the two pulled away. "Nat...promise me something." Murrue started. Natarle looked at her awaiting the question. "Promise me you will stay with me for the rest of the night...So maybe I can actually sleep for once.." Murrue finished, This line sparked a smile from the younger woman. "Okay..I suppose I could..I mean if it'll help you sleep.." Natarle lay herself down beside her captain and felt Murrue's arm wrap around her. From her other side Murrue drifted off into a silent sleep. Natarle let her arm fall off the edge of the bed and looked off silently into the shadows that had fallen around the room. _I guess I'm not going to get that report done..I'm I?_ Natarle thought before drifting off to sleep.

There you go people..Your going to haft to deal with this case I don't know what to write for a love between enemies anymore..so R&R please..and feel free to give me any ideas you may have for my other story...


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